I had a great time today, until the pictures came out. I told you in a recent post that I am going to embrace autumn. So my son, my daughter, and I met a group of friends at the corn maze. Nothing says autumn like getting lost in a corn maze, and no one is as great at getting lost in a corn maze as Cindi and me. There's also a hay ride, a corn crib, a cow train (which my eighteen-year-old son STILL folds his tall self into), and a huge bounce pillow. We love it there!
So we trekked around the maze, did all the autumn stuff, even bought a jar of apple butter. We laughed, we got lost and then got found by a corn angel, and we laughed some more. I was embracing autumn all over the place.
A few hours later, the pictures started appearing on Facebook. The fat talk started. A fabulous day ruined by Mark Zuckerberg. I blame Mark, because 5 years ago I would've had at least a week before I saw any pictures. A week before the fat-talking would begin. These days it starts instantly.
"I think I've gained back all the weight I lost," I say to my family. Silence. Crickets. "I said, I think I've gained back all the weight I lost. Look at this picture! I'm huge!" Nothing. "WHY AREN'T Y'ALL SAYING ANYTHING??" I yell.
"Because you know it's not true, Mom, you just want us to say it's not true," my son says.
"You tell me not to do that, and you're doing it," my daughter says.
"You're not fat, you never were, and you're beautiful," my husband says.
Apparently my family is not interested in encouraging my fat-talk, and they've decided not to engage in it with me. How annoying! ;)
The thing is, I have been actively trying NOT to talk like this. If I'm feeling fat or particularly ugly, I've been trying to keep it to myself. There's no point in talking about it, what are people supposed to say? I whine, "I am SO ugly, my hair is limp, my butt is huge, and my hands are way too small." Are they supposed to say, "Yeah, you should really stay at home. You might scare small children. Maybe you can come out on Halloween with the rest of the freaks....if you wear a mask, and don't tell anyone you're with me."
So what in the world made me fat-talk today? The pictures are actually not bad, I've posted one here for you. I'm sure there are more to come, I'm trying not to dread it.
I know what it is, I've been feeling guilty. I've eaten a half a bag of 'perky popcorn' over the past two days even though I'm pre-diabetic and am supposed to be cutting sugar. I'm sitting on the sofa right now watching The View, in view of my exercise bike as it collects dust. I'm a wanna-be vegetarian who ate a hot dog for dinner. And I really have gained some weight in the past month. I'm a little bit of a mess.
A beautiful mess, my family might say, if they said stuff like that.
I got my bearings, though, and I'm back to feeling beautiful, even though I'm eyeing that popcorn bag again. Because it really doesn't matter if I FEEL fat, or even if I do gain some weight. My beauty is so much more than that. So bring it on, Mark Zuckerberg, make your Facebook picture-viewer even bigger and make it easier for friends to tag me, because I'm beautiful! And I love autumn! Sort of.
